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Mother Guilt? I got more than that...


Mother Guilt about me working? Nah thats not it.. I have bypassed that one long ago and am quite content that I am more than present in my kids lives and having DTLL has made me a better wife, mother and person..

So what is worse than mother guilt? daughter friggin' guilt!. My parents have moved here from the other side of the world and after nearly a year here I know they still pang for the UK.

Now being at retirement age was clearly never going to make it easy as it is a huge change for anyone but my parents were not retired, they were still working (my Dad was Project Manager for Lend Lease at The London Olypmics.. pretty important and yes I am proud) so hanging out together each day is a tad boring for them!!.

Do I feel guilty for that? Well a little but life would have been the same in the UK in a few years so not so much..

My guilt comes more from what I had assumed and where it now leaves us..

I had assumed they would arrive here, love Australia as we all do and then immerse themselves into my family by spending time with the Grandchildren and enjoy a quieter life.

My vision was just that and that they would have the kids for sleepovers, afternoon teas and then when they grew much older we would all move further up the beaches and all live on the same property just with them in their own self contained granny flat..

Does that sound idiotic? Was I foolish?

So now I have daughter guilt that my parents are not happy AND mother guilt as if they did go back to the UK my children would be devastated.. They refer to them daily, Gaga and Papa are part of their little lives and I just want to work out how to make them ALL happy.

Are you ex pats in Aus? Did you bring your folks here? Are they settled?

8 comments

  1. I really feel for you. it's a tough one. I am not an ex-pat. My experience is that my younger brother, who I am very close with, moved interstate the week after I had my first child. I was pretty sad that he would not be part of my child's life and mine for that matter. I have two sons now, 11 and 7 and my brother has been gone for 11 years. My children would be lucky to see him in the flesh once per year but they have this amazing bond and friendship with him. We email, text, call, face time and Skype often and I hear them laughing and joking with him and you would not know that they have spent their entire lives so far away from each other. When we see him, it's like nothing has changed and they just saw him yesterday- they have an brilliant bond. My brother even gives my eldest son a guitar lesson now and then on Skype. I took it a little personally when my brother moved. I didn't understand why a job could be more important than watching my kids grow up? But I understand now he needed to move. He wasn't happy here and the move has made him a better person in every way and I would rather have the "happy" person who lives far away, than the unhappy one that was around the corner....but that's just my experience.....good luck with yours x

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    1. Rebecca.. I so agree, happiness is the key thing and I feel like over the years the answer to where that lies will change but we can't necessarily achieve both

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  2. Can totally relate Tess.

    I'm so sad that they're not enjoying Australia, & I being a defence force kid & used to moving around my whole life I usually say give every move at LEAST 3 months before you settle - but ... it's been longer than that for your folks, & it's a shame they haven't settled yet.

    Home is where the heart is, simple as that.

    My sister IS Australian & moved to the UK years ago, & literally has said she will NEVER come back to Oz. I can't get my head around it, & wish she loved Oz as much as I do, but she wasn't happy here - & she's happy there, & so I'll just have to start saving a GA-ZILLION bloody pennies to fly the fam. over there to visit her.

    I hope your folks find their happy place. Here, preferably ;)

    Big love x

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    1. Me too hun, me too.. I can't get my head around your sister either as the UK has so little to offer over Aus but as they say the grass is always greener and we are all different.

      Happiness is the important part so we support what works best for them as that is what family do...

      Squeal.. I am seeing you in 4 days!!

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  3. I get daughter guilt every day! But it's so built into our culture. I get daughter guilt if I call mum, or if I don't call. I think it prepared me well for mother guilt. I hope it gets easier for them, for your sake and theirs. Big move. x

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  4. It's never how it seems in Neighbours, is it? (at least to relatives who have done the 'hop across the pond'). I was born in Australia, it took a move 'back home' for my parents to really appreciate our wide brown country. Once they got it out of their system, they were far more content here. Maybe your parents need a UK holiday? I hope they start to feel more settled soon.

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  5. Oh, it's so tricky isn't it? After my step-dad passed away, both my husband and I hoped my mum would like to move onto acreage with us and we would build her a little granny flat, so we knew she would have us for company if she liked. But no, she chose to stay in a big house by herself, and makes me feel guilty every single day!
    I guess we can have these perfect scenarios in our minds, but it doesn't always work out that way. I hope your folks start to feel at home soon :)

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