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Its all a little odd.. I think I feel lost..



So November 2012 my parents arrived planning to move here for good.. Dec 2013 they departed back to the UK.

I really can't explain my emotions. Truly it all just feels a little odd. I can cry at the drop of a hat as I pass their old flat. I look at the kids and long to see them rumbling Papa or to see Kitty rock back through the door on a Thursday telling me all about what Sushi she had with Gaga and where they ate it and what they then drew or discussed.

I feel rejected that they chose the UK over us and more so their Grandchildren.. HA! Get over yourself Tessa.. you left the UK and them to live here so 'pot calling' lady!

I feel resentment they didn't rent like I asked to get to know the areas.. Who are you kidding?! You are the product of them and they are as stubborn as you. There aint' no telling two 71 year old independent Londoners what to do, say, pretend or otherwise.

I feel anger that they came at the wrong time.. we were told Dad would get hired easily by his previous company over here (yes at 71 he is still a gun at his job and HIGHLY sought after in London.. as is Mum) so when that didn't happen it all went pear shaped. There were options to stay but they want to work for a few more years. It makes them happy and my anger is selfish as I wanted them to stay despite no work.

I despise the thought that they will return to the UK and bag out Australia due to the fact they never got to see its amazingness (is that a word?). They never got to reach the point I have where your way of life and manner of thinking just flick a switch. The  focus on lack of work and finding it, then post that returning to the UK and finding a new place meant they never got the time to appreciate the good stuff or slow down enough to not care that people drive slowly here along with being pretty crap drivers in comparison to Londoners.

My parents never got to find the peace that Australia brings to a hyperactive, bolshy, slightly grumpy and rather materialistic Londoner (yes that WAS me and it IS them). It makes us sound terrible but is not so as it is the norm in London Town.. it is fast paced with lots of flash cash and a sense of needing to display that. We have it in Sydney just not where I live and I was so desperate for them to find that shift as it is the most liberating feeling ever.

I guess after it all I am just sad and disappointed. It is not their fault and not mine. I want them to be happy and the UK is where they can be that right now.

Its odd.. after all these years, after  boarding school since 10, living in London away from home at 18, I feel lost without my parents?

What should I feel? Are your parents near or far?

13 comments

  1. Tessa, don't feel alone in this as I have seen so many people do the same thing - basically set themselves up for failure in a new place, wonder why it didn't work out as they had hoped and then bag the place they never got to know anyway.
    I myself initially did this with Melbourne (work week in Melbourne, weekends in Sydney) until I then ended up moving permanently and gave it the time to fall in love with it completely. I am now back in Sydney but love Melbourne like a second home.
    Anyway, just imagine the wonderful trips you can have with your kids to the UK, and the joy of international travel you can give them.

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    1. Thanks Peita, I know the loneliness will pass and I am not annoyed with them at all just rather in an I don't know sort of feeling right now. I would love to say we will visit often but with two kids it is just too expensive x

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  2. The Australian culture is different to the British....it would be very difficult for your parents to adjust if they didn't really want to or feel that they needed to. Home is where the heart is...it would be where all their life long friends are...sad for you and sad for them but Australia does have a whole lot of ugly beneath the dreamy beach surface it portrays. It's not for everyone. It's an awful state to be in when you're unsettled and feel a pull from somewhere else...you'll just need to use SKYPE heaps and visit often!

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    1. I agree it is such a different culture and thats why I am happy for them to just go where it makes them happy.. skype we will, as we always have :)

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  3. My folks live 3 hours away, so not exactly your situation but I miss them still.
    I think the grandchildren factor makes you feel worse as you probably feel the loss your kids can't yet express. But keep in mind that if they stayed here just for you and the kids and not for themselves, then they would have started to resent you for it and the relationship would have likely suffered anyway.
    It is a hard one but time will heal. Don't blame them. Maybe once they retire they may be open to moving again?

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    1. Oh I don't blame them at all and I am hoping they will come back one day but I doubt it and I 100% agree that had they stayed I may have gone mad arguing with them over London vs Sydney issues :)

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  4. My parents are a six our drive away now and I miss them all the time....sometimes for selfish (babysitting) reasons :) I feel for you and can imagine how hard it must be. I understand though how people are torn between two amazing cities! I LOVED London and living there for a year was one of the best of my life. I'd go back in a heartbeat. Gives you guys a pretty good excuse for a holiday there too! :-) xx

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    1. Oh for sure the babysitting but for me its just all about the kids :(

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  5. I think I would love my parents to come and live in Brisbane…but in reality I don't think they would be happy and therefore I don't think I would be happy.
    It is so hard having them so far away. And I wish every day that it was easier for me and for Toddler C to se them.
    But they have their life in the States…their work and their friends and their routines.
    Maybe some day…but I am not going to hold my breath!

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    1. I think that is wise hun, two different cultures, generations and so much more. ..

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  6. Maybe a small part of it is that you're upset that they didn't feel how great your life is now. I think as we get older we get set in our ways so it might have been difficult for them to adjust, especially as they were moving here to be near you rather than a real desire to live in Australia. I struggled for a long time watching everyone else have a great support system around them but then I realized that I would have to find my own strength in what I do have and that's an amazing husband and kids. It's tough but strangely liberating. T xx

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    1. Oh I hear you Tania.. my family unit it so strong and I love that as it is most likely due to a lack of doting grandparents etc and it gets better day by day x

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