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It is ok to loose friendships..


I have lost a lot of what I thought were close friends over the past few years and I think it is an age thing, time of life with kids and possibly even a sideline of being a working Mum but it still makes me a little sad..

There are friends I thought would be with me forever, that I shared some really personal sides of me with that just simply don't seem to care what I feel anymore. I have reached out, emailed and suffered sleepless nights with anxiety over what I did to have them act like this...

BUT when I reflect on the ones I have gained in that time I feel so blessed, the people I work with who even though I don't see I am in constant contact via a quick email or text, some of the sellers on DTLL, the gorgeous on line community that have supported my journey

I trust and confide in them, the shit work stuff with the jaw dropping open up a hole and pull me in stuff. It is because I trust them and adore them like family.

In the past few years I have done nothing with any intention I do everything just because I wanted to do so. Of recent I have had some really touching things written or said to me and it makes me proud, it is a beautiful sentiment to be thought of in those ways and made me realise I don't need ALL those mates I had, I just need the ones that make me want to do nice things for. 

What is better than loving to do things for someone else more than yourself ?

Cherie and I emailed the other day about this and a little lightbulb just switched off so much of the anxiety I have had of recent regarding lost relationships so I decided to share in case anyone else had been feeling the same.

Its quality over quantity huh? Have you shifted friendship circles with age? or am I alone? 

15 comments

  1. I'm starting to honestly realise that whether you like it or not, things are just going to change.


    Life changes, & so the dynamics of particular friendships change.


    I lost a friend of 10+ years recently, & I wasn't honestly even sad about it. We just drifted apart so quickly & suddenly, & ultimately had nothing in common. She came in to a lot of money, & she wasn't humble about that. And I'm sure her take would be that I was perhaps jealous about that, but the truth is, I wasn't, & never would be. In actual fact, I felt sad that she complained about being "bored" every day, & used to badger me to call her more, text her more, do EVERYTHING more.


    In the end, I pulled away completely. Because I genuinely felt like she'd never understand the "working Mum" thing.


    In the last few years, there's been surprise friendships - you, some bloggy pals etc. who despite not calling every day to discuss the meaning of life, are still friends week in + week out.


    I love the quality of the friendship despite the relative low maintenance.


    Because let's face it, working Motherhood is BUSY, & there's not a lot of time for the more high maintenance friends.


    Good riddance, I say.


    x x x

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  2. Thats it!.. I am sort of sad but the person I am thinking about did have more money than me and didn't work so I guess I just wasn't worth the effort!

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  3. Don't even waste your precious time trying to keep up with the Jones'.


    I've come to realise the Jones' are all pr*cks anyway ;)


    x x x

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  4. This happened to me with a friend so close we were even godmothers to each others children. But suddenly and without any explanation she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I was heart broken and still am a little if I'm honest. But Ive moved on, I do have regrets when my now older son asks why he never sees his godmother and I don't have an answer. I guess sometimes things just happen in life and we have to deal with it and keep moving forward. I still have beautiful life long friends that I cherish now just that little bit more. xT

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  5. We too have lost a godfather in the last year through these phases. It hurts I agree and I am really sad that they don't care enough to try but as my girlfriends have said they don't deserve your love if they act that way x

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  6. My Nan used to say in every relationship there's a Rose & there's a Gardener. If your the gardener in the relationship your bound to get thorned. I am a gardener & I'd say you are too Hun. The one always attending to the relationship going above & beyond. It's funny though you do see it till you look from the outside.
    My close friends now (although can only count one hand) are all gardener s and it's a nice feeling to know there are no appologises for not calling or guilt for doing well. It just real & honest friendship. What we all deserve.

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  7. I just love that Kim, really and truly love that..and it is funny I have loved gardening for real more and more with age :)

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  8. I've had this happen just recently with a long time male friend. I trusted and confided in this person and I thought he really was wishing to have a true/real strictly plutonic friendship this time, however my friendship with him meant absolutely nothing even though I went above and beyond to help, support and assist this friend. His wife didn't accept me even though we were "just friends" and did everything within her power to get me out of his life, and so it worked and I left. Life has a funny way of showing us who belongs in our life and who doesn't.

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  9. I agree Keri and if the partner does not support you it makes it so much harder...

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  10. Well, I always think that if old friendships never moved on, we wouldn't have room to make new ones... x

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  11. I like Bron's way of thinking very much indeed xx

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  12. I was actually going to say to Bron, you sound like Sonia :)

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  13. This post resonates so much with me. I too had that light bulb moment where I realised people had turned away due to struggling with their own issues and it isn't me, it's them. Refreshing! :) Deb

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