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I lost my dog.. I didn't cope well..

I felt the need to write this post as whilst lots of people talk about losing a pet and how awful it is most are lucky enough not to have to loose them before their natural life ends..

I posted about our trip to the Grand Canyon last week.. well it was amazing but that was dramatically changed the minute we came back into cell phone range. I had a phone call from our vet to tell me that overnight we had lost Dexter.

We were sitting in a Petrol Station, Marcus was in paying and the kids were above my head pretending to spit on me from their bed.. He started talking and I told the kids to 'shut the fuck up' I don't swear at my kids but I couldn't hear and I knew from his voice the call was serious. By the time Marcus returned I had just hung up and was staring into space with my eyes all welled up. 'Whats wrong?' he said.. 'is it Dexter?', I nodded 'Is he sick?', I shook my head and burst into tears.. (and now they are flowing again).

'He's gone' I said and Marcus started to cry too.. the kids were shouting 'Whats wrong? whats happened?' for a second I thought I should lie but we never have and it appears I couldn't start and I looked up and said 'Dexter has gone, he is dead'.

He had died from a non bacterial and non viral form of meningitis..

We sat there in our RV all 4 of us crying really ugly uncontrollable tears. Harrington asking if when you are dead you can be made better again, Kitty spouting out classic lines of 'he will be ok' 'at least he is with Obi & Tyler' ' he is not in pain so that's ok'..

After well over half an hour we discussed how he would have loved to have been there with us and would want us to continue on and enjoy our holiday.. so we did..

The thing is, we couldn't truly.. every morning and night we cried as we were not distracted by the daily activities. Harrington cried when he saw a dog. Kitty couldn't eat for the pain in her tummy and she got so tired..

Why was this so hard on us when we had already lost dogs before? Because those dogs were 14 years old, they had become slow and grey, we had readied ourselves for their departing day and quite frankly their quality of life was obvious that a younger happier soul over Rainbow Bridge was welcome.

I haven't lost that many relatives or friends in recent years but I feel awful to say this feels like the worst grief I have experienced out of them all.. can it really compare to the loss of a human?

My relationships with my dogs have in some cases been better than with people, hey how could it not when they don't nag or ever tell you that you are wrong.. they just want to be fed walked and loved!

They say dogs just make you feel better about yourself and dogs seem to feel the same way about us.

I read an article that said 'Dogs communicate with us as no other animal does. They are skilled at comprehending spoken words and using their own vocalisations to communicate with us in return'

Have you ever heard a dog family member call one of the other siblings or kids the dogs name? It turns out that it happens often. The dog’s name is being pulled out of the same place as other family names showing how equally they rank in our thought process.

In loosing Dex I lost a few things. My constant companion, my youngest child who I trained to be the gorgeous guy he was and my source of unconditional love. He was so much part of my daily routine he has calendar slots on my weekly calendar which is not something most of my friends and family even have.

My friend Charlie on Instagram said 'I was once told during a time of grief that some souls are only meant to visit for a brief time, they come teach us to love selflessly to teach us to live life to the full now!!'

I could not agree more.. 

He was only in our lives for just under 3 years but he taught us so much, he showed us what undeniable devotion looks like and he had the best life. My favourite thing I shared with him was our walks.. he loved to be out and was grateful for 10 mins or 3 hrs.

He was Eckhart Tolle in a dog.. He believed in The Power of Now

Do I have the answer to fix it? No just the reason and rationale for why it hurts so much.
Do you get another dog? Totally up to you.. your heart will tell you..

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